Hello My Love, It's Getting Cold On This Island

New Picture. That is all.

The Truth Is, We Were Much To Young ...

Why am I an afterthought? Why doesn't anyone think about me until after the fact? I mean seriously in all the relationships I have (mainly... scratch that ... only platonic) I am the one who calls I am the one who messages It's like no one thinks of me until I contact them. I barely got invited anywhere in high school but then when I was regaled with stories I was always asked why I didn't go or told that I should have come. MAYBE YOU DIPWADS SHOULD HAVE INVITED ME! If this you're reading this and you feel it's untrue then I'm sorry but I'm paranoid about these things and I have good reason. I went through half of elementary and all of middle school with no friends ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. It all started in the fourth grade we came back from summer vacation and nobody liked me anymore. To this day I don't know what happened or what I did to cause that. People teased me basically everyday calling me ugly, poor, and everything in between and most of the people that did this were those I considered friends just a summer ago. Even the lames made fun of me. I hated it, even thought of commiting suicide a few times. Most days I would come home and cry asking God why nobody liked me. When high school came around I promised myself that I would fix whatever mistake I made at Bates and that I would make myself become more likeable. So August 2004 rolls around and I try to fit in, in this place called Renaissance High and I was mildly successful. I wasn't Mr. Popular but I did have some friends and that was fine with me but then I started getting paranoid. What if these people aren't my friends and they just tolerate me cause they think I'll still be a nusance either way? I didn't acknowledge my best friend since ninth grade as being my best friend until she told me I was hers and that was around eleventh twelth grade lol But anyway I saying all this to say I'm ready to change. I'm tired of being the afterthought I want to be someone's first thought It's going to take a lot of work but I can do it. P.S. This will be my last serious post. I'm not a very deep person and I've become sick of trying to be so I can have something to write about on this dumbass blog. From now on it'll be just daily ramblings about me or stuff I like and think you should like oh and they'll be pictures .... alot more pictures

I'm Killing it I'm Killing it

Hey there bitches! So I'm back with the first post of the new yearand nothing has really changed much. I'm still black and I'm still alive. We're going to be moving soon, hopefully real soon. Truth be told I'm ready to go back to the dorm. I can't wait for the new semester to start. The boredom caused by my environment is heinous. IN other news, I have job interview and I really hope I get it seeing as how I'm probably not going to recieve a refund this semester. That really sucks balls. I had a lot of plans for that little check. :( Plus I have to buy books pay off my balance and buy a new charger for my laptop. Speaking of which I have been laptop less since the beginning of break and it has been hell. I got so used to laying down and surfing the net at the same time and not to mention alot of my music is on there and it was a tad bit more private where as the household computer is in the dining room and comes complete with mother over shoulder. So as soon as i get forty bucks I'm heading to micro center, STAT! I wish oprah was my mama lol

And It's Been Awhile

Hello, Hello, I have neglected this blog and for that I'm sorry. It's not like I don't like blogging it's just I NEVER have anything to write about. As I mentioned before I am not a very profound or deep person. Stuff just doesnt effect me like it does others. One thing I do want to discuss is gender roles is American society. This is something that has been bugging me for quite sometime now. Feminists are always championing for equality between genders but can there really be true equality? What about male's rights? Of course there are double standards on both sides. But are they politically correct in this day and age when gender lines are blurred everyday. Then with that comes the question What about transgenders and those who feel as if they were born in the wrong body? Where do they fall in terms of gender roles? From childhood we are taught that men are protectors and women are the protected. Men go out and work and in return the wife shows her devotion by keeping up with the home. Many people call this view chauvinistic and outdated. I dont agree. I believe myself to be a modernt traditionalist of sorts. I believe that we can have the same gender roles and achieve equality at the same time. To me a women should desire protection and provision from men as long as she views it as a priviledge and not a right i.e., She wants the man to do for her but she doesnt expect it. The same goes for men. A man should know that his woman may show him gratitude by taking care of him and their home but it should never be taken for granted. But what happens when people abuse their gender roles in society? Examples being when a man sluts off every chance he gets because he won't be considered a whore like a woman or the woman who cries rape or calls her brothers or cousins on a man when she doesnt get her way in the relationship. But there are other stereotypes and associations we have with gender that have nothing to do with relationships and romance. Traditonally men are the rough and rugged type. The type that play sports and drinkbeer and do other "manly" stuff. Guys that dont follow this stereotype are often classified as gay or weird. I am quite fashionable in my book. I read magazines like GQ and follow up with new trends and know the difference between a designer label (Marc Jacobs, Zac Posen) and a name brand (Rocawear, Babyphat) which is something many guys would not be able to or dont care to do. This fall an occassion came up where I was hit on by a guy simply because of what I was wearing. I was walking through the student center with Paige and this guy proceeds to walk up to me and ask me if I had a boyfriend completely bypassing the fact that I was walking very closely with a girl. Upset I quickly grabbed Paige's hand and said she was my girlfriend. I was greatly upset. How do you just walk up to someone and just assume that they're apart of your lifestyle. Paige later brought it to my attention that it was probably because of the way I was dressed (white button up, green sweater, black pants, and black and white volcom slip ons) Traditionally men, especially the all american man's man, dont pay much attention to clothing and style so when people see a man who dresses better than average they're automatically percieved as gay. Kanye West, Pharrell and Andre 3000 have all expressed their feelings of this problem. Women also have problems like this. And we can't forget that race also has a hand in how gender roles are charactierized. So my final question to you is where do you stand on the subject of gender roles in modern society?

Oh Lord Take Me Back...Oh Lord

First and foremost I encourage everybody to look up a British band that goes by the name SugaRush Beat Company. Anybody remember a couple of weeks ago when I decided to make that post about stuff that I like and dislike? Well if not I said I would continue with that list when I remembered and yes I finally remembered. On with the show.

• I love movies ( Dramas, Action, and Suspense in particular)
• The greatest love story of all time is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• A Black Male who dresses nice DO NOT = gay
• Keri Hilson DOES = Sexy
• I have 3 idols in life Pharrell Williams, Kanye West, and Andre 3000
• September 28, 2008 was one of the best nights of my life
• Prince is the epitome of cool
• Nina Simone was not physically attractive yet her songs are the epitome of sexy
• Alesia is probably right, Lil Wayne just might be the devil
• Sia = PHENOMENAL
• Sometimes I wish my grandmother was still alive
• Sometimes I wish my other grandmother would like me
• I'm pretentious yet not a snob is this possible ?
• I need some new clothes
• I miss Rhonda (there I said it )
• I hate most gender roles and stereotypes
• I am DEATHLY afraid of crack ... seriously if yu're on crack or thinking abut doing crack get away from me now
• I like being alone yet dont feel complete unless I'm apart of a group

• Bates Academy took my self esteem and shot it straight to hell
• As a result, I'm afraid of rejection, being alone, and several other things

• It may not seem like it but Im terrified of meeting new people
• Every body I know is cooler than me and it makes me sad
• I'm afraid that my friends dont really like me and they just tolerate me because they think i will follow them anyway (its happened before)
• Sometimes I can be terribly irritating and Im sorry
• I think i have serious add (ooh look at that bird outside)
• I want a tattoo on the outside of my foot that says To Infinity and Beyond
• I am shallow and I dont know how to be deep its just not in me
• I dont think i give good advice but my friends all talk to me like i do

• I want to go to church idk why i just do

Well time's up I'll think I'll stop there for today.

To Infinity and Beyond

Hello to all I'm posting this from my phone at dinner. Oh the joys of portability. :) I really really really miss my friends. why oh why must they be scattered across the globe like continents? But I digress.... Anyway me and Ijania went out last night . We saw a touching little movie called The Secret Life of Bees and boy if that wasn't a date movie I don't know what was. I swear that theatre was filled with nothing but couples and mamas. Seeing all this beautiful black love made me depressed. where is my girlfriend? i know what you're thinking... a handsome guy like you doesn't have a girlfriend? Well the answer is no and I'm mad as hello ( t9 is hilarious) about it too. I mean I'm smart, nice, a snazzy dresser, and above all I'm damn sexy if i do say so myself. So why don't I have one of the things I feel will make my life complete? One word: fear. Every time I have approached a girl in the romantic sense it backfires and I end up in a pile of shame. Hoping to avoid the feel of rejection and shame I decided to do something different I decided instead of being the lover I would be the friend. The friend is a role I have perfected over the past four years and while I genuinely love my friends I am tired of being the one they call when they need a guy's opinion on things. For once I would like to call them and ask for advice and help in MY relationship. at this point all my friends are betrothed and it sucks. Everytime I call them I here stories of dates and questions of advice ( its funny how they all listen and take what i say into consideration seeing as how I've never actually been in a relationship before lol) I just want know what i should do to fix this dry spell of my love life . Any thoughts,kind words, and advice would be appreciated as I feel I have rambled enough. Love Peace Afro Grease

He Lost His Soul To A Woman So Heartless

I know in the last post I said I would post more often and I am sorry for that terrible lie. In retrospect and upon reading other blogs I realized mine is about absolutely nothing. Everyone else's blog is this brilliant expose of their lives and views of the world while mine is just a piece of fluff never more than a paragraph long. So with that said I have decided to do something different with this post. Usually I just give a rundown of my day or week. This time I'm going to open up about things I like dislike and really feel. ~ Kanye West 808's and Heartbreak WILL be the best album of the year ~ I really really really need a job , like really ~ I feel like I've been slipping in my spirituality. ~ To me atheists are depressed wanderers or pompous all knowing bastards (no offense just my opinion) ~ I really hate when people misspell things If you cant take the time to spell something right or at least correct yourself your life should be void instantly ~ Carrots, Commas, Math and Research Papers are the devil ~ Why does everyone underestimate my intelligence? I got a 23 on the ACT that I FELL ASLEEP on and as result had to randomly bubble in about 50 questions. Think of what i could do if i stayed awake... ~ Beyonce = Death to all Female Performers and it's quite sad ~ My birthday is in one month Canada anyone?.... ~ I am a pushover and I admit it ~ Paige said I was shallow I think she might be right :( ~ I miss my friends ~ I paid my phone bill for the next two months :) ~ Wisdom looks ahead ~ I need to blog more ~ I need a new layout ~ Sometimes it feels like I dont go to a real college but then again it's free so who cares ~ My life is about a million times less stressful then it was in high school ~ I want to be cool but I dont think it's in me lol ~ I dress nice because it's fun to look better then others (sad right?) ~ I might be 1/5 of a terrible person but I dont care ~ I should be in math so I'll continue this later ... If i remember